My favorite cousin, Stacia, is planning her wedding. It's in September 2009. I'm looking forward to the wedding. I’m already having dreams about it. One particular dream was that Stacia got married in some dumpy, dingy small town hall and all of the bridesmaids had to wear blue flowered dresses with poufy satin sleeves. Ugh. I was so relieved when I woke up in 2009. Maybe I was watching too much of my husband's Live Aid DVD the week prior to that dream. Come to think of it, Madonna was wearing somewhat similar floral leggings like the dreamed-about floral bridesmaid dresses.
For this wedding, I am a bridesmaid, the MC and part mediator/consultant about the problem bridesmaid.
Yes. The problem bridesmaid. What is it with selfish, uncontrollable bridesmaids with attitude problems? I don't get it. I know what it is like to have a problem bridesmaid. Things got so bad with her that I had to fire her a week and a half before my wedding. It was a hard thing to do, but it was a long time coming and one of the best decisions I ever made.
Initially, everyone seems a little shocked when it is revealed that I fired a bridesmaid right before my wedding. Then, they recover and make a mental note to themselves to come to me for advice if someone close to them is causing trouble. Particularly, problem bridesmaids.
Bride: I'm having a problem with this bridesmaid!!
Lacia: Hey, do you need me to fire her from the wedding party for you? I'm good at that!! Just let me know when!
Anyway, let's call this particular Problem Bridesmaid "Debbie Downer" (DD), after the negative nelly character from SNL. DD has been causing trouble even before there were rumblings of an engagement between Stacia and Morris. DD and Stacia are friends through DD’s husband Michael and Stacia's fiancé Morris. So they are couple-friends. DD basically volunteered her bridesmaid services before Stacia had selected her bridal party. Ultimately, Stacia did end up asking DD to be a bridesmaid. Michael is Morris' best man.
Unfortunately, since Day 1, Debbie Downer has had an issue with anything Stacia suggests for the wedding. Being the accommodating and considerate person Stacia is, she sends emails to her wedding party to help her make those important decisions and obtain valuable feedback. I don’t think Stacia expected to have to shoulder such opposition to seemingly innocent suggestions. Such as:
ISSUE #1:
THE SOCIAL VENUE
Stacia and Morris are currently planning their social, a night full of fun, silent auction prizes, visiting and making some money to help pay for the dream wedding. Socials are more common in Stacia's neck of the woods than in mine, so naturally I was interested to hear of the plans. Stacia was so excited about booking the venue, Red Grove East Community Centre. It's a newer ventilated building, so there's no reminders of past events that normally took place at older town community centres, such as weddings, smoky bingo nights and three-spot card tournaments.
Stacia and Morris agree that Red Grove East Community Centre is the best place to have the social. They book the Community Centre more than a year in advance before the planned date of the social. Then they tell DD and Michael over drinks one night. The response is not good.
Debbie Downer: oh.........um.....well........I don't mean to be difficult, but.......that's where we had OUR social.
Stacia (getting annoyed, thoughts of so?? who cares?? running through her mind): oh....well........it's such a great venue, soooooooo...... (quick glance at Morris) ....we're going to keep it.
No response from Michael or Morris.
Debbie Downer: well.......um....I guess it's ok then. I mean, your social won't be anything like ours, right??
Stacia: Of course not.
Of course Stacia & Morris’ social won’t be anything like DD & Michael’s social. It will be better! Ditto for the wedding!
ISSUE #2:
THE BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES
Stacia loves the colour burnt orange. She loves autumn, and loves the colour espresso brown. So, naturally, Stacia picked those two colours for her bridesmaid dresses. Two bridesmaids will wear orange (Maid-of-honour Carmen and I are the orange crushes) and two bridesmaids will wear espresso brown (Debbie Downer and Kimberly are the root beer girls). Stacia's junior bridesmaid, Liana, will be an orange crush girl.
Everyone seemed fine with the bridesmaid colours and dress style. Then came the issue of the dress cost and when to order/pay for the dresses. Stacia managed to score 10% off the bridesmaids dresses since she bought her wedding gown at the same boutique. Everyone has to order their dresses and pay for them at the same time to take advantage of the discount, and to ensure the same dye lot is used for the fabric.
Monday morning, 9:02 am. Sometime in October or November. Stacia sends out an email informing everyone of the dress-buying plans, hence giving everyone ample notice to plan ahead and save $$.
Monday morning, 9:07am. Same day. Stacia emails me with the simple phrase: “Am I being a bridezilla??”
Monday morning, 9:08 am. I email Stacia back with one simple phrase: “What happened now?”
You’re guessed it. Issue #478 this year. DD and Michael are building a new house and money will be a tad tight during that same exact time the bridesmaid dresses will be ordered and paid for.
I respond to Stacia with “If DD and Michael sold their house and can afford a build a brand new house and get all the toys, then she can afford her bridesmaid dress. The rest of us have to pay for ours, you know.”
A few months later…
Stacia emails everyone that the dress-purchasing day has now been changed from February to March. I know who was behind that change!
ISSUE #3:
THE BRIDESMAIDS SHOES – Whose feet matter the most?
Stacia sends out an email to everyone about what kind of shoes the bridesmaids should be looking for. Preferably espresso-coloured heeled sandals.
Debbie Downer immediately responds with, “Um, Stacia, I don’t mean to be difficult, but…can’t I wear my type of shoes? Wouldn’t your suggestion of shoes be hard to find, and expensive?”
The shoe issue is still being sorted out.
ISSUE #4:
WHOSE SHOWER IS IT?
Kimberly is a fantastic organizer. She, Stacia and I think and operate in the same way – be organized and plan everything early so that we’re not all in a panic the day before or day of a certain event. Kimberly’s been great about sending out group emails about Stacia’s shower/stagette plans and suggesting ideas.
One day, Kimberly sends out an email about the shower and suggests that maybe the guys could help out serving drinks and food. Debbie Downer immediately responds with, "what you're describing is exactly what I had at my shower and Stacia had said that she wouldn't want that cause it is a 'girl' thing and the guys shouldn't be a part of it.... I also don't think Morris would be thrilled about the idea. Just wanted to let you know. At my shower we ate for about 15 mins prior to starting to unwrap gifts and it worked well."
Hmmn. Aside from the eating part, it sounds like a case of "I don't want Stacia’s shower to be ANYTHING like mine!! Nooooo sireeeee!"
Kimberly responds lightheartedly that Stacia has already told her that she would like the guys to help out with the shower. I email a reply with similar sentiments. Debbie Downer suddenly backpedals in the next email and says, “You guys are ganging up on me! lol Oh, that must’ve been one of my other friends who told me that!.....hehehe, oops!!”
Sure, sure. Sounds more like “oops, I better not gang up on Stacia about the shower cuz these girls are the Wedding Police!!! eeeshk!"
That's right. Watch it, girlie. Pretty much this whole blog post is about your antics.
ISSUE #5:
The constant use of the phrase "I don't mean to be difficult, but....."
YOU ARE. YOU ARE BEING DIFFICULT. AND YOU KNOW IT. DROP IT.
The Magdalena Factor
WHO THE HECK IS MAGDALENA?
Magdalena is a Bridezilla from the TV show Bridezillas that used to be on the Slice Channel. I watched the show before I got married and I think Magdalena was the worst bridezilla to ever be featured on the show. Magdalena worked as a publicist in Los Angeles and spent her days hounding people on the phone, picking fights with her clients and bossing her staff around the office. The same behaviour continued while planning her wedding. Aside from barking orders to everyone, fighting with her wedding party/wedding vendors, and making a family member drive 1.5-2 hours to her place in LA to retrieve her veil and then making that person drive back to the wedding venue on the SAME NIGHT, she somehow suckered her fiancé into refinancing their house and using the equity and mortgage top-up of approximately $75,000 (possibly more??) to pay for the wedding and honeymoon.
So, whenever Stacia thinks she’s having a Bridezilla moment, I say to her, “uh-oh. Is there a Magdalena festering underneath the surface??"
Stacia, that wedding cake kinda looks like an A & W Cake!!!
I love researching wedding ideas online. Even though my wedding was almost 3 years ago, I still love all that wedding stuff. And especially now that Stacia's planning her wedding. One day while internet surfing, I came across a gorgeous wedding cake that I knew Stacia would love. Just something a little different then the common white wedding cakes found at most weddings these days. I quickly emailed the photo to Stacia, and she loved it. She immediately replied back with "OMG, I love this cake! I could do this, and have these decorations, and have one layer in this colour and one layer in that colour…..thanks Lacia!!!"
I read over Stacia's email a few times, a bit puzzled. There was something there that didn't seem quite right. Then it hit me. Stacia's wedding colours are burnt orange and espresso brown. What colours do you associate burnt orange and espresso brown with? An A & W Restaurant! OMG! I had to email Stacia right away!
Lacia: Stacia! Stacia! That cake is gonna look like an A & W cake!!
Email response from Stacia in less than 30 seconds: OMG Lacia!! Noooooo!! I'm so glad you brought that up, I would have never have noticed that!! Thank God!!!
Unfortunately, I have now installed the fear in Stacia that she simply cannot have anything at the wedding resembling an A & W Restaurant.
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